i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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