God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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