Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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