Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
