I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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