Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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