The best revenge is premature balding
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
