I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
