I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
