and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
