I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Don't tell me you're on acid again
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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