this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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