So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
