i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
