he was CRYING into my vagina
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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