quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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