i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
