don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
And then my night got REAL pukey
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
