you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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