The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
