i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My penis needs a shock collar
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
