i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
