Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize