Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
