At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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