What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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