He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
