Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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