All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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