I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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