I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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