yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
