the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
