I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
