We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
