Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
