so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
