"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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