I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
