I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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