next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
