I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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