i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
