I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
