Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
