That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
