put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
