So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
home. puking in laundry basket.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize