So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize