So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
