That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize