Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize