In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
