I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
wow bdsm is so cute
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
