I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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