you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
