On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
