Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
