no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
