I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
