you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
