took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
