apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
