You work out of a Hotel?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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