I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Found your dick twin last night
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
