fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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