I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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