Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
