remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
