need another drink. this is the easiest way
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize