She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
