There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
